Carlie K.: 0:01

Hey, friends. Welcome back to the Praying Couple podcast. We're your hosts and Carly Kirchhoffel. Today's episode is one that we feel is very important. One that makes us do a gut level check and helps us get back into alignment with God's plan for our marriage. Today's episode is called Why Most Couples Quit Praying Together and How God Invites You To Start Again. But before we talk about prayer habits or consistency, we want to slow the pace for a moment and acknowledge something tender. Many couples don't just struggle with praying together, they struggle with the shame of having tried before and stopped. If that's you, we want you to hear this clearly before anything else is said. God is not disappointed in you. He is not keeping score. He is not waiting for you to do better before he draws near. Scripture tells us exactly how God responds to weary hearts. And today we want to let his word speak louder than guilt.

Mike K.: 1:06

That is so true. And this episode isn't about fixing yourself, it's about understanding why consistency is difficult. What scripture says about perseverance and grace, and how God repeatedly invites his people, including married couples, to begin again.

Carlie K.: 1:26

Amen. Amen. So most couples, you know, they start praying together because they genuinely desire God. I know that's our story. Yeah. We started praying together because we both love the Lord and really only wanted his plan for our life. And most couples don't quit praying together because they stopped caring. They quit because discouragement slowly takes root. Yeah. Maybe an unanswered prayer here or a frustration there. But here's the deal scripture names this experience. Proverbs 13, 12 says, Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. When couples try again and again only to feel like they can't stay consistent in prayer, hope begins to erode. Yeah. And when hope weakens, motivation begins to disappear. Not because prayer isn't powerful, we need to be very clear about that, but because discouragement becomes heavier than someone's desire.

Mike K.: 2:26

So true. For in due season we will reap if we don't give up. Amen. That verse doesn't say if you grow weary, it says when. Weariness is assumed. God does not shame his people for it, he speaks directly to it.

Carlie K.: 2:55

Amen. It's true. Many couples believe consistency is simply a discipline issue, but scripture shows us that spiritual growth was never meant to be sustained by willpower alone. Jesus Himself says in John 15 5, I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit. For apart from me, you can do nothing. Prayer habits don't fail because couples are lazy. They fail when couples try to produce fruit without abiding in Christ.

Mike K.: 3:33

So true. God consistently builds his people through rhythms and reminders. That's why in Lamentations 3, 22 through 23 says, the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. Thank you, Lord. They are new every morning. God's design assumes repetition, renewal, and beginning. Again, it's a daily thing.

Carlie K.: 4:04

I love that so much because oftentimes I know in the past when I have, you know, been inconsistent and I was tempted in my flesh to beat myself up because, oh, you failed. You're a failure because you quit again, or you maybe not even quit, but you didn't do something that you were wanting to do, you know, and you let whether it's laziness, temptation, just something else replace that time with God. But I love how God already built built in to his word, number one, grace, yes, forgiveness, and just the understanding that he knows what we're gonna choose to do. He knows the times that I say, Oh yeah, let's let's meet here and then I cancel. I don't, I don't even know why that came to mind, but I'm just saying, just whatever the thing is, just breaking, you know, uh agreements in some ways, you know, breaking habits. Maybe I know there's been times where I've had good habits around certain things for 20 years, and then all of a sudden, tragedy strikes, right? Maybe something hit us hard, the death of a loved one we didn't expect, and then grief comes, and then the next thing you know, everything that you used to do, you're no longer doing. So when prayer disappears from marriage, something subtle happens, right? This isn't just a break check moment where you see what's going on. It's very subtle. Yeah, right. Couples stop softening their hearts before God together, they stop slowing down enough to invite him into their conflicts, into their decisions, and into emotional times. Psalm 127 reminds us unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. I love this verse. It, you know, it shows us that this doesn't, first of all, this doesn't mean that marriages without prayer immediately collapse.

Mike K.: 5:58

That's right.

Carlie K.: 5:58

It means they quietly grow tired because you're doing it in your own strength. And it's so much easier to submit to God on the front end, not the back end, not after things have fallen apart, but in the beginning. Even if you don't feel like praying, you still do it. You know, how many of you out there don't feel like getting up to go to work or, you know, taking care of your children? There's some days where you're tired and you're like, oh gosh, I gotta get up and do this for the kids, but I just want rest. You know, it's those kind of things that when we walk in the will of God, when we let him build the house, so to speak, all of our habits are rooted in his word and we're obeying him. We're not laboring in vain.

Mike K.: 6:43

And know this the the enemy, he loves to shame us to keep couples silent. He likes to bring up, hey, you didn't you didn't get up when you said you were gonna get up, or you weren't, you didn't follow through what you said that you were gonna do. But Revelation 12, 10 says it calls Satan the accuser. But Romans 8:1 declares this there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Carlie K.: 7:11

Amen.

Mike K.: 7:12

Condemnation does not come from God, conviction invites us forward, condemnation pushes us away.

Carlie K.: 7:21

It's so true because condemnation, it's just you feel guilty, you feel bad, and in some cases you feel dumb, right? Yeah, and it's embarrassing. But like this said, like you just said, that conviction it shows us, you know, something's wrong. It's it's kind of like I used to tell the children, it's like an alarm.

Mike K.: 7:38

Yeah, right?

Carlie K.: 7:38

You have this built-in alarm, and it is a gift from God to show you, hey, Carly, something is not right here. You need to check your heart. How about you come to me in prayer? Because those conversations with God will reveal to us why those alarms, why the conviction power of the Holy Spirit is showing up in our lives. Beginning again is not spiritual weakness. Having to start over is not spiritual weakness. Getting back up after you fall down is not spiritual weakness. This is faith and action. Yes. God's invitation to us has always been gentle. He's so caring and so loving and so merciful and so kind. Don't get me wrong. You know, God can definitely be the lion. We know that, right? But even in that, it's his love for us that leads all of these things. And there is such a difference.

Mike K.: 8:27

Yes.

Carlie K.: 8:27

When the love of God, because that's who he is, he can't, he cannot ever operate apart from his love for us. There's such a difference in that, no matter what what the disposition is or what the situation is, his love is the leading thing.

Mike K.: 8:42

Yes.

Carlie K.: 8:43

Isaiah 40, 31 says, but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary. God renews strength while we wait. He doesn't do it after we prove ourselves. He already knows that we need to take his grace, we need to be partakers of his grace because that's the sufficiency that helps us to be renewed in the waiting.

Mike K.: 9:12

That is so true. And and see, prayer that lasts is built in grace, not guilt. So going back to that scripture, God gives us grace, his love. You talked about God being uh uh responding to us like a lion, but he also, his love and his grace, when we surrender to him, he also responds to us like a lamb. He knows when to come to us through love, through a different posture, but that's what it is, right there. Just know that grace, there's no condemnation in Christ Jesus.

Carlie K.: 9:49

Amen. And you know, the name of this episode, like we mentioned earlier, is it's we're talking about why most couples quit praying together. And really the culprit is condemnation, right? It's guilt. It's just, and then you know, when that guilt and shame starts to fester, then it turns into pride. Yeah, right. So then we're just like, you know what? You know, you're the one that that caused us to stop praying because X, Y, or Z. That's where the enemy tries to get us. He tries to get right in there and cause a wedge. He wants to plant division, he wants to insert lie after lie after lie instead of the truth. But I praise God because again, he invites us into his presence every day. Yes, that's his desire for us. He wants to be with us every day, he's inviting you to start again. There's somebody out there right now who, through tears listening to this episode, knows that God, the spirit of the living God, is calling you back into prayer. Don't feel guilty. If you need to confess sin, confess sin because listen, sin weighs heavy. And we are to confess our sin, right? He says that he's faithful and he's just to forgive us. And it's okay, whatever the thing is that you need to release to your God, do it. He will take it and he will not condemn you, he will not ridicule you, he will not call you out and shame you. He will welcome you back to his loving presence, his loving arms, just like the prodigal son. He's waiting. He's waiting for us. If we depart from his presence, he's just waiting for us to come back. So, you guys, this right here is, you know, the support without shame. This is exactly when God called Michael and I to create the marriage prayer club. He created this as a safe space, safe emotionally, safe spiritually, safe in the way that we go through the word of God. It is the word of God that dictates everything that takes place in the marriage prayer club. Because if it's not in the word, it is not God. And when we created this club in obedience to God, it wasn't to replace his word, but to help couples stay rooted in it. Yes, with support, with daily rhythms and grace and with guidance, you guys. See that the beautiful thing is the Holy Spirit has allowed us to be teaching the Word of God. We've been teaching and preaching the Word of God since the late 90s. Yes, yes, nine-zero, okay, for if there's anybody young listening, which there may be, um, we are not young, okay? We're not quite old, but we're definitely we're up there. Um, but in all seriousness, it's something that when God called us to create it, we realized all the decades that he had called us to teach and preach his word, you know, that he had called us to spend that time with him in prayer, getting to know him, trusting and relying on him. We have been through so many things, as many of you have, that the only way out was absolute total dependence and reliance on God, on the Holy Spirit's wisdom, on you know, just that the word manifesting in our lives, coming to pass in our lives. And so we just want to invite you to come into the marriage prayer club. We have resources. For instance, we every month there is a theme. Yeah, we have a workshop that we teach around this theme. We have a prayer journal with verses that will get you really thinking and working through that month's theme in the scriptures. It gets deep into heart issues and it's going to pull you out. If there's anything going on in your life that's trying to, like a stronghold or a lie that you've believed, it's gonna pull you out of that and it's gonna replace that lie with the truth of God's word. We also have some prayer cards and just we even have live marriage prayer meetings where we come together once a month and we pray for the things of God. We declare his word, we come together in faith, not only for our own marriage, but for marriages around the world.

Mike K.: 14:05

And again, this is a safe place for couples, okay? Some of you out there is like, oh my gosh, I've been looking for I've been praying for something like this. Amen. So for those that want to begin again together and remember this, this is without pressure.

Carlie K.: 14:21

Amen.

Mike K.: 14:22

Okay, so we invite you to this.

Carlie K.: 14:24

Amen. Well, we're gonna go ahead and end the episode in prayer. Father God, we just thank you. We thank you that your mercy meets us new every morning. Yes, for every couple carrying discouragement, lift the weight of their shame, restore their hope, Father. Teach us how to abide in you together and help our marriages become places where grace leads the way.

Mike K.: 14:49

God, I just stand in agreement. I just thank you, God, that you are you are helping us to walk in your ways. We choose not to condemn ourselves, but we choose to follow and obey you. We thank you for your grace, we thank you for your love, and we ask this in Jesus' name.

Carlie K.: 15:06

Amen and amen. So, again, we love you. We are rooting for you. And come visit us on our website, theprayingcouple.com. Come check out the things that we have there. You can even come uh join. We have an awesome free marriage prayer reset.

Mike K.: 15:24

Yes, we do.

Carlie K.: 15:24

It's a seven day reset, and it will help you get re-centered. It will just remind you who you are. You are a child of the living God. Yes, He loves you, we love you. Yes, and we are praying for you and your marriage. And we will catch you next time.

Mike K.: 15:41

Bye bye.