Carlie K.: 0:00

Hello, hello. Hey everyone. Welcome to the Praying Couple Podcast. We are so grateful that you're here with us today. For those of you who don't know us, my name is Carly Kirchhoffal, and I'm here with my husband and co-host, Mike Kirchovel. Today's episode is called Prayer for Unequally Yoked Couples: How to Pray with Purpose and Hope. Today's episode is for couples carrying a quiet weight, the weight of loving someone deeply while not walking in the same spiritual place. Sometimes that looks like one spouse actively following Jesus while the other feels distant. Sometimes this can look like different levels of faith, different expressions of belief, or even different levels of spiritual hunger. And sometimes it looks like loneliness, feeling spiritually alone inside your own marriage. We want to begin by saying this clearly and gently. If this is your story, you are not a failure. Failure. And your marriage is not beyond God's reach. Scripture acknowledges this reality far more than many people realize, and God speaks with tenderness to those who find themselves in this place.

Mike K.: 1:13

That is so true. Being unequally yoked is not always the result of rebellion or poor choices. Sometimes it's the result of change. One spouse grows spiritually, one encounters God in a new way, one responds faster or deeper than the other, and suddenly the marriage feels spiritually uneven. What makes this so painful is that prayer, which should be a place of comfort, can begin to feel complicated. You may wonder, how do I pray without nagging, without pressuring, without losing hope? Today, we want to walk you through what Scripture actually says and how to pray with purpose, peace, and long-term hope.

Carlie K.: 2:00

Amen. One of the first things we need to understand is that Scripture does not ignore spiritual mismatch in marriage. God sees it, He addresses it, and He speaks with compassion, not condemnation. First Corinthians 7, 12 through 14 says, If any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. This passage matters because it tells us several things all at once. First, God does not abandon marriages simply because faith is uneven. Second, the believing spouse is not powerless. God's presence in you matters more than you may realize. And here's another point. This is not a verse, it's misused often in religious spaces and circles where people will try to manipulate a woman to stay in an abusive marriage or a man to stay in an abusive marriage because it's their job to make them holy. We this that is not what this scripture means. That's right. So we just want you to understand that as a believer, you are not powerless. And truly, God's presence within you is going to tell you exactly what you need to do and how to navigate it if you are in fact in an abusive marriage. But if not, this episode, everything in it applies to you.

Mike K.: 3:35

Amen. Notice that God does not instruct the believing spouse to fix, force, or convince the other.

Carlie K.: 3:43

Amen.

Mike K.: 3:44

Instead, he emphasizes faithfulness, peace, and presence. Yes. That tells us something important about how prayer should function in our marriages. Prayer is not meant to be a tool of control. Amen. It is meant to be a place of surrender.

Carlie K.: 4:03

Yes, and that just goes right into what we talked about prior to that. Abuse is not that's just not God's design for marriage. No. Thank you, Jesus. When one spouse is more spiritually engaged, prayer can quietly become a place of frustration. Yeah. You may find yourself praying at your spouse or about them instead of for them. And praying with an undercurrent of urgency that feels more like pressure to your spouse than peace. But scripture is clear about what prayer is not meant to be. Matthew 6, 7, and 8 says, And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your father knows what you need before you ask him. Prayer is not persuasion, it is not performance, and it is not a spiritual argument. God already knows the heart of your spouse, he knows your heart, and he is far more capable of drawing them to himself than you are.

Mike K.: 5:09

Very much so. True. James 120 reminds us for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. That includes spiritual anger, frustration disguised as prayer.

SPEAKER_02: 5:24

Yeah.

Mike K.: 5:24

God does not ask you to carry the burden of conviction. That work alone belongs to the Holy Spirit.

Carlie K.: 5:32

Amen. And that it is a burden for us.

Mike K.: 5:34

Yeah.

Carlie K.: 5:35

If I was supposed to be someone else's Holy Spirit, that would be such a burden because I need the Holy Spirit for myself, because I have my own issues that I need to work out. So yeah, that's that's a really, really great point. One of the most freeing truths in Scripture is this God does his deepest work gently and patiently.

SPEAKER_02: 5:57

Yes.

Carlie K.: 5:57

I know you guys understand that, and I know there's evidence of that in your lives. First Peter 3, 1 and 2 speaks directly to the situation. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. So this is not about silence or suppression. It's about trust. That's right. Trusting that God's spirit speaks louder through love than through pressure. And as a matter of fact, I have several friends whom married non-believers and their husbands were good guys and they loved each other, but there were points of contention because, you know, the wife's the wives typically would, you know, just be a little frustrated, not angry with their husband, but frustrated that they didn't share the same faith. So when they'd get excited about maybe a revelation they had at church, or you know, they wanted to praise something, or you know, just those little things like that, their husbands weren't quite ready.

Mike K.: 7:02

Okay.

Carlie K.: 7:02

They weren't quite ready to enjoy that or experience that with them. But I have witnessed time and time again, and I know you have too, wives and husbands who continue to serve God, to love their spouse the best of their ability, the way God loves them, and have won them over to Christ.

Mike K.: 7:22

Yes.

Carlie K.: 7:22

We've witnessed it.

Mike K.: 7:23

Yes, definitely so. And this principle applies to both husbands and wives. God draws hearts through kindness, consistency, and faithfulness.

Carlie K.: 7:36

Amen.

Mike K.: 7:36

Romans 2, 4 tells us God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance. If God uses kindness, patience, and love to draw people to himself, we should not expect a different strategy to work in our marriages.

Carlie K.: 7:52

Amen. Because we are to be like him, and his strategies apply to every single area of our lives. And I really love that because God is so kind, he's so patient with us, and he loves us. And that's what we know the reason we can say we love him is because he loved us first.

SPEAKER_02: 8:09

Yes.

Carlie K.: 8:09

And that is such a beautiful gift and a wonderful piece of wisdom. So, how do you pray with purpose without carrying unnecessary weight? The first way is to pray for God's work, not your control. That's right. Ezekiel 36, 26 says, And I will give you a new heart and a new spirit I will put within you. That is God's work, not ours.

Mike K.: 8:35

Amen.

Carlie K.: 8:35

And thank you, Jesus, for it. Um, we can also pray for peace in our own hearts. So pray for peace in your own heart. Philippians 4, 6 and 7 reminds us, do not be anxious about anything, and the peace of God will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. That was a paraphrase. Guarded hearts pray better prayers. Period. When we guard our hearts, we're praying from a place of submission to Christ. Yes. And that is a beautiful space to be. Also, pray for God's timing, not for our own timelines. That's good. Ecclesiastes 3 11 says, He has made everything beautiful in its time. God's timing is not slow, okay? He's his timing is perfect, and it is intentional. And at the end of all of it, he promises that he will complete the work that he began in us. It will be made beautiful. We will be made beautiful.

Mike K.: 9:31

That's right.

Carlie K.: 9:32

In his timing, inside and out.

Mike K.: 9:34

Because you know what? God knows exactly where we're at, and he knows what he needs to get to us. And so he again, he knows he sees the big picture.

Carlie K.: 9:42

Yeah.

Mike K.: 9:43

You know, and remember this: that prayer is not only spoken words.

Carlie K.: 9:48

Yeah.

Mike K.: 9:48

It's posture.

Carlie K.: 9:49

Yes.

Mike K.: 9:50

It's surrender. It's a daily trust. God wants us to seek him. He wants us to, he wants us to know, you know what? We don't have to know it.

SPEAKER_02: 10:00

Yeah.

Mike K.: 10:00

We but he's asking us to trust him, to surrender on a daily basis. Don't based upon yesterday's experience for today's faith that's needed.

Carlie K.: 10:10

Yeah.

Mike K.: 10:10

God wants us to surrender, to trust him daily. God, help me through whatever. You fill in the blank. God will meet you where you're at.

Carlie K.: 10:19

Amen. Amen. Hope is fragile when it's tied to outcomes, but biblical hope is rooted in God's character. Yes. Romans 5 5 says, Hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit. Hope in God is never wasted, even when outcomes are seemingly slow.

Mike K.: 10:41

Yeah. Isaiah 55, 8 through 9 reminds us that God's ways are higher than ours. He sees what we cannot see, and he is never absent in waiting.

Carlie K.: 10:54

Amen. And that's the part of why, you know, earlier we I just mentioned that, you know, hope is fragile when it's tied to outcomes, because we don't know the outcome.

SPEAKER_02: 11:06

Right.

Carlie K.: 11:07

So when we're trying to take our hope and tie it to anything other than God's word, other than his promises and other than our faith, because that builds our faith when we're in the word and we're speaking the word and we're trusting him to perform his word because that's what he says he'll do. If we tie it to our ideas and what we think we know, just like what you said in Isaiah 55, 8 and 9, it reminds us that his thoughts are not our thoughts, his ways are higher than ours. Like he literally sees things that we don't. And I think that's such a beautiful thing to be reminded of on a daily basis that I don't have to try to figure it out because my sovereign God, my holy God, my great father, Abba Father, he has it all figured out. I just have to work to submit to him. And I love that he is never, like you said, absent in the waiting. It may feel like it because we're believing circumstances, we're listening to emotions, but when we tie our hope and our expectations to our faith and to the word of God, anchoring it through prayer and confessing his word, that is how we feel his presence in the waiting. And I'm so, so, so grateful for that. So if you're listening out there and you're carrying that burden, the weight of praying alone in your marriage, we want to assure you that you were never meant to do that in isolation.

SPEAKER_02: 12:35

No.

Carlie K.: 12:35

It may be a part of God's plan for your marriage. Maybe you are the one that is going to win your spouse's heart. Maybe God has called you to break some generational curses and he needs you to do some things with him alone. And that's okay. But he never called us to be alone. The enemy tries to isolate us and keep us in places and spaces where he can attack us without believers in the body of Christ, our brothers and sisters, loving us back into the presence of God, reminding us, encouraging us, praying for us. So this is why the marriage prayer club exists: to provide scripture-centered guidance to structure some things around prayer, not to be religious or to make it, you know, these rote prayers that we're saying the same thing all the time. No. But to build that intimacy with your father and then eventually spill over into your marriage in so many ways, you guys, that we can't even name. And it's great because the marriage prayer club provides encouragement for couples in every season. You could have just left the altar five seconds ago, the marriage prayer club is for you.

SPEAKER_02: 13:45

That's right.

Carlie K.: 13:46

You could be like us and be married for over 25 years and have prayed every single day of your marriage, the marriage prayer club is still for you. That's right. You could be somebody that has never prayed a day in your life and it seems intimidating and scary. Guess what? The marriage prayer club is for you too. That's right. You could be married 65 years. The marriage prayer club is for you too. So we are excited to invite you to take a look at that at www.marriageprayerclub.com.

Mike K.: 14:18

Whether you pray together daily or pray faithfully on behalf of your spouse, you deserve a support and hope along the way. And that's why the prayer, the marriage prayer club is here to help you to work through this.

Carlie K.: 14:34

Yes, it's just such a great collection of assets to help us. It's the word.

SPEAKER_02: 14:41

Yes.

Carlie K.: 14:42

It's it's so good, you guys. Oh my gosh. I get so stoked because every time we even talk about the marriage prayer club, I just want to explode, like in a good way, not in a bad way. Um, I just get so full of joy. Yes. Because my favorite part of every single day is coming to God in prayer, is is coming into his presence and experiencing the fullness of joy.

SPEAKER_02: 15:01

Yes.

Carlie K.: 15:02

You know, being able to hear him say, Carly, these are the things, daughter, that I need you to work on. These are the words that I need you to speak of encouragement over your husband. Did you notice this is happening? Well, here's why. He's constantly giving us what we need in order to experience the marriage that is in our hearts, the desires of our heart has. Because he put it there. That's right. He put it there. Okay, y'all. We're gonna go ahead and close out this episode in prayer. Father God, we lift up every couple listening today, every spouse listening today that feels like they are in a spiritually uneven marriage. God, you see the loneliness, you see the prayers, you see them whispering quietly, you see the tears, you see the hope that has been deferred and the faith that continues anyway. We pray, Father God, that you will just continue to draw them near to you. Yes, that you would give them exactly what they need when they need it. We're thankful that you are a God who is more than enough. Yes, and you will supply all their needs. As a matter of fact, you already have through your riches and glory in Christ Jesus. So we ask, God, that you will show us today how to access those things in you.

Mike K.: 16:16

God, we also pray that you would bring peace where there is anxiety, patience where there is frustration, and hope where there is discouragement that has tried to settle in.

Carlie K.: 16:28

Yes.

Mike K.: 16:29

Work in our hearts, your timing, your way. Yes, Lord. Teach us to trust in you fully each and every day in Jesus' name.

Carlie K.: 16:40

Amen. Amen. We love you all with the love of Christ. We'd love for you guys to reach out to us. If you are listening to the podcast, you can actually go ahead and text us. There's a link at the top, I believe it says text us, send us a text. Um, you can email us, you can find us on our social channels. Regardless, we just love you and we are praying for you. And we look forward to connecting with you next week. God bless.

Mike K.: 17:05

Bye bye.