Carlie K.: 0:00

Hello, hello, friends. Hey you guys. Welcome to another episode of the Praying Couple Podcast. We are so grateful you're here with us today. Before we get started, we want to introduce ourselves. My name is Carly Kirchhoffell, and I'm here today with my husband and co-host, Mike Kirchival. Today on the podcast, we're talking about three daily prayer practices that changed our marriage and can absolutely change yours too. So when couples talk about wanting change in their marriage, what they usually mean is they want something to feel different. They desire more closeness, more peace, more understanding, more spiritual connection. But what many couples don't realize is that lasting change doesn't usually come from big moments or emotional breakthroughs. It comes from small, faithful practices repeated over time. In other words, it's the habits we build into our daily lives that transform our hearts and our marriages. Today we want to share those three practices, three daily prayer practices that have genuinely changed our marriage. Not because they're impressive or complicated, but because they created space for God to work consistently. These practices didn't fix everything overnight, they didn't remove every challenge, but they softened our hearts, strengthened our unity, and brought God into the everyday places where marriages are actually formed.

Mike K.: 1:31

And we want to say this up front. These are not formulas, they're no, they're not guarantees, they're simply rhythms that help us stop reacting to life and start responding to God together. Scripture tells us that formation happens daily, not occasionally. And that's what these practices are all about.

Carlie K.: 1:54

That's really, really good. I like how you said that the scripture tells us that the formations of our marriage, the the habits and all these things, it's daily, not occasionally.

Mike K.: 2:06

Right.

Carlie K.: 2:06

Because we can't hope for lasting change if we're not willing to do the changes within ourselves to make that change last.

Mike K.: 2:17

That's right.

Carlie K.: 2:17

Because you can change for a day, for a second, and then guess what? You're right back to what you used to be and what you're trying to get away from. Yep. So I really, really like that. Um when we invite God into our day before life really gets going and before the day has a chance to set the tone for our day. That's the best thing. The first practice that changed our marriage was learning to pray before the day started. Yes. That that shaped us, you guys. It has shaped us. When we do this, we're not doing it after stress builds up. We're not praying after the conflict happens. I mean, we can. So don't get misconstrued my word there. It's it's just that if we can pray at the beginning of our day, before the conflict that could arise happens. That's important.

Mike K.: 3:10

Yes.

Carlie K.: 3:11

But we pray at the beginning, okay? Even if it's briefly, there are times where I've literally had to say a couple second prayers. You know, Jesus, I need you today. Because for whatever reason, that was all I had time to get out. But when we invite God into the day, we are going to walk through that day together with God instead of trying to go at it alone. Psalm 5.3 says, Oh Lord, in the morning you hear my voice. In the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch. There is something so powerful about praying before opinions form, before frustrations settle in, before the day starts pulling spouses in different directions. This didn't always look like long prayers. Sometimes it was a, like I said a minute ago, it was it was a couple seconds. Yeah. Maybe it's one sentence. Sometimes it's a verse and you read it aloud. Sometimes it's simply acknowledging God's presence together before moving on with our days.

Mike K.: 4:15

And that's so true. And what changed was not the length of the prayer, it was the posture. Yes. Starting the day with prayer reminded us that we weren't walking into the day alone or independently. It framed our marriage as something God was actively involved in. Not something we were trying to manage in our own strength. Proverbs 16, 3 says, Commit your work to the Lord and your plans will be established. That includes the work of marriage. Remember, this is teamwork. We're saying, God, we're prioritizing you before, even like Carly said, whatever goes on in the day, before all the kind of like starting the vehicle and getting the engine warmed up, creating those habits of prayer, saying, regardless of what happened the night before, regardless of what kind of dreams we might have had, we're going to prioritize God and show God that we care more about Him with our heart posture than whatever our situation is going on.

Carlie K.: 5:20

It's true. And there may be others of you out there that are at the stage of the game that we're at. Our youngest is a senior in high school. So we're on the cusp of the empty nest. And one of the things that we know to be true in our lives is these children, people tell you that children, you know, change their lives and they do in the best ways. Like we, oh my gosh, it has been so sanctifying. And the love that we share with them and just their their faces. They just bring us joy. You know, but there are those times where they just require a lot more emotional support as young adults. And one of the things I will say is with that emotional support comes emotions of our own. Yeah. They pop up. We're just thinking, well, why would you why would you do that? Or how come you're making this decision when it's so clear to us that it should be something else? And we just want the best for them. And so the work of parenting, even, yeah, is sanctifying. And as is marriage, is sanctifying. But when I see this verse, it just reminds me committing our work to the Lord. So committing our parenting or our our, you know, whatever the work is, but in this case for us, our parenting.

Mike K.: 6:30

Yeah.

Carlie K.: 6:31

And God will establish those plans. So praying in the morning before, you know, we get the call that, oh, I don't have money again, or I need new tires, and then our bank account gets a little leaner, rather than having to deal with it alone, as Mike just said, we're dealing with it together with God in the center, with Christ right smack dab in the middle. So we're just thanking God for that today. So the second practice that we've built into our daily lives is praying with each other, not at each other. So this changed our marriage. Yeah. We learn how to pray together without using prayer as a tool for correction, pressure, or emotional processing that should have happened elsewhere. Many couples struggle here because prayer feels very vulnerable. And in when vulnerability feels unsafe, prayer becomes guarded or avoided altogether. And sadly, in some cases, we've seen this in our marriage counseling practice, it seems like a battleground.

Mike K.: 7:33

Yeah.

Carlie K.: 7:34

And so James 5:16 says, Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed. Notice the direction of that verse for one another, not against, not over, or not at.

Mike K.: 7:52

This is so good because again, the focus isn't on who wins the argument. Your prayer is not ever be supposed to be manipulated, but this is about praying for one another with the heart parser towards God. Yes. All right. So this practice required us for Carly and I simply, we stopped trying to say everything in prayer. We stopped trying to resolve issues during mid-prayer. And instead, we focused on agreement. Yes. Matthew 18, 19 says, Again, I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. Agreement doesn't require long prayers, it requires unity of the heart.

Carlie K.: 8:46

Amen.

Mike K.: 8:47

Sometimes our prayers together were simply, Lord, help us love each other well today.

Carlie K.: 8:53

Yes.

Mike K.: 8:54

God give us wisdom with this decision.

Carlie K.: 8:57

Yes.

Mike K.: 8:58

Our Father, protect our marriage. These simple prayers are built safety. They built safety, and safety is what changed everything when we prayed like this.

Carlie K.: 9:11

Safety is what couples are looking for. You know, that's one of the biggest issues that we have found over our decades of marriage ministry, is that a lot of marriages lack safety. Yeah. Because Christ, you know, they may be professing Christians, they may go to church, they may serve on the board, they may be pastors, they may be authors, you name it. But their identity is so hinged upon man's idea, the religious interpretation of what being a Christian is, and sadly less hinged upon their actual relationship with Christ. Now, one thing we know about Jesus is he is our safe place, he is our strong tower, he is our healer, he is the love of our lives, he is our provider, he is our shelter, right? He he gives us secret places that we can dwell in to be hidden from the evil one. He literally died for us, y'all. Jesus is the epitome of safety. Yes. And when we pray to our God because of the blood of Jesus, we can have that same safety in our own lives and we can experience it in our marriages. And that, my friends, it changes the game.

Mike K.: 10:30

Yes, it does.

Carlie K.: 10:31

So the third practice we want to share is ending the day by releasing, not rehearsing. So this practice changed our marriage because it taught us how to end the day in prayer by releasing what had happened instead of rehearsing it. Now, again, there is a space, a safe space within marriage that can be created to vent. Um, and that's a good thing. We can help each other process things. However, after the processing, we release it in prayer. We don't hold on to it. That's not biblical. Right. It's not biblical at all. And so many couples they go to bed carrying these unresolved emotions, unspoken frustrations, and just a lot of mental loops that are replaying in their mind of, oh, I should have said this, and I can't believe they did that, and oh, I'm a I'm a failure because I allowed this. But scripture speaks directly to this. Ephesians 4, 26 and 27 says, be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil. This doesn't mean every issue must be fully resolved before you go to sleep. It simply means that we are not called to carry the weight of the day into the next one. We are called to bring it to God. He tells us to cast our cares upon him because he cares for us. That's right. He says to that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. He says that he fights our battles. There are so many verses in the Bible that show us the character of God and his will for us on this. So we need to release these things. So the enemy doesn't have an entry point. We don't want to leave the door open for him to come up in there and cause division.

Mike K.: 12:12

I'm glad that you talked about releasing. There's something powerful when you do release. It doesn't mean you have to have all the answers, but that pressure point, you're giving it back to God. That's where that safety comes back in that we were talking about earlier. So ending the day in prayer became a way of saying for us, God, we trust you with what we didn't fix today or what we were experiencing. Yes. Psalm 4, verse 8 says, In peace, I will both lie down and sleep. For you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. Prayer at night wasn't about revisiting the problems, it was about placing them in God's hands and choosing rest over chaos.

Carlie K.: 13:01

Yeah, rumination. Because seriously, when we lie down, God promises us sweet sleep. But when we're ruminating over things and replaying them and just obsessing over them almost, of course our sleep is going to be terrible. Right. And we're going to wake up grumpy. And guess what? It's just like a cycle and it just carries on and on like a snowball. And then we are, you know, unkind to strangers. Let's say that maybe they cut you off in traffic, you know, and if you wake up and you're already grumpy, just these things multiply. Right. Our interactions, our our witness um becomes a little tainted, okay? Trust me, I know because I've been there. I'm definitely not perfect in these things. So we want to talk a little bit too about um, you know, these daily practices, how they transformed our marriage and how they can transform yours. These practices changed our marriage because they created rhythm. Okay. A rhythm. They invited God into our beginning, our middle, and our end. And scripture shows us that rhythm shapes lives. Deuteronomy 6, 6, and 7 says, and these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently when you sit, when you walk, when you lie down, and when you rise. Faith was always meant to be woven into our daily lives, not reserved for emergencies. And that includes prayer.

Mike K.: 14:24

That is so true. You're creating these habits, all right? And when you create these habits, just like lifting weights, God will begin to help strengthen you, and you'll continually keep your focus on Him. Yes. Now, consistency builds trust. A trust and trust builds intimacy. Prayer didn't remove conflict from our marriage, but it changed how we handled it. It softened our reactions, it anchored our decisions, and it reminded us daily that God was active in our relationship. He is active. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord.

Carlie K.: 15:03

Because I don't know what in the world we would do without him.

Mike K.: 15:06

That's right.

Carlie K.: 15:07

Um, if listening to this feels overwhelming, we want to gently say this start small.

Mike K.: 15:13

Yes.

Carlie K.: 15:13

It's about the small steps. Scripture never calls us to perfection, only faithfulness. Did you hear that? It doesn't call us to be perfect. Scripture calls us to be faithful.

Mike K.: 15:27

Amen.

Carlie K.: 15:28

Thank you, Jesus. Galatians 6 9 encourages us and let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up. Missed days praying doesn't mean failure. It just means that you start again.

Mike K.: 15:43

That's right. Keep going. Prayer is not about maintaining a streak.

Carlie K.: 15:48

Yeah.

Mike K.: 15:49

It's about maintaining a relationship.

Carlie K.: 15:52

Amen. That's really, really good. If you're longing for consistency but struggle to maintain rhythm on your own, we invite you inside of the marriage prayer club. Yes. The marriage prayer club exists because it provides structure, scripture-based guidance and encouragement so that prayer becomes sustainable in your relationship, not stressful, not another daily task that causes you stress because it's not checked off of your list. In the Marriage Prayer Club, we can help you master the art of prayer for your life, your season, and your particular situations.

Mike K.: 16:30

You don't have to figure this out alone. Small daily practices supported and encouraged can truly change your marriage over time. That is why we've created Prayer Marriage Club.

Carlie K.: 16:43

The Marriage Prayer Club.

Mike K.: 16:45

Yes.

Carlie K.: 16:46

So if you want to learn more about it, come on over to marriageprayerclub.com. So we're going to go ahead and close out this episode in prayer. Thank you so much for choosing to spend your time with us. Yes. Father God, we thank you for being present in the ordinary moments of marriage. Teach us how to invite you into our days consistently and humbly. Where prayer has felt difficult, bring grace. Where rhythm has been missing, bring renewal.

Mike K.: 17:14

Father, help us to listen today, build practices that draw them closer, us closer and closer to each other. Restore unity, peace, and hope through faithful daily prayer. God, we just thank you for what you're doing in Jesus' name. Amen.

Carlie K.: 17:33

Amen. Well, we love you with the love of Christ. And again, thank you for choosing to spend some time with us today. We don't take that for granted. We will see you next time.

Mike K.: 17:43

Bye bye.