Carlie K. 0:00

Hello, hello, friends. Hey everyone. Welcome back to the Praying Couple Podcast. We're your hosts and Carly Kirchival. We're the founders of the Marriage Prayer Club, a global gathering of Christian couples just like you that have responded to the call to partner with us as we work to restore marriage back to the kingdom of God through the power of prayer. Today's episode is for the couple who feels like communication has become tense, strained, maybe even painful. The title of today's episode is When Words Divide, a prophetic prayer for Christ-centered communication in marriage.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Maybe you're talking but not connecting. Maybe you've both been trying but still missing each other. Or maybe there are words that were spoken that can't be taken back. Today we're going to talk about something that many couples overlook. Communication isn't just emotional, it's not just relational, it's spiritual.

Carlie K. 1:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

And at the end of this podcast, we're going to pray a bold prophetic prayer over your marriage, declaring a breakthrough in the way you speak towards one another.

Carlie K. 1:16

Yes. Well, let's start off with scripture. Proverbs 18 21 says, the tongue has the power of life and death. That is not a poetic exaggeration, y'all. This is a spiritual reality. The truth is your words either build intimacy between you and your beloved, or they build walls that divide. The words we speak to our spouse can invite safety within our marriage or activate defensiveness. So this is why we need to choose to speak life. Ephesians 4 29 tells us, let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs. Notice that Paul doesn't just say, Oh, just be nice. No, he says, speak words that build up according to your spouse's needs. So that's the thing here. Like when we're building others up according to their needs, our focus is not on ourselves. Yeah. So here, because we're applying the scripture to marriage, we're building up our spouse's needs. So this is going to require from us things like active listening, humility, self-control, truthfully, the fruit of the spirit.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Which means healthy communication is not just a skill problem, it's a spiritual formation issue.

Carlie K. 2:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

James 119 says, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Most marriages struggle, not because of lack of love, but because sometimes we move too fast. From the scripture, most married couples respond with quick reactions, quick defenses, quick assumptions. I remember when Carly and I first got married, how easily offended I became because I didn't take the time to actively listen to my wife. Instead, I would typically be offended because I wasn't listening to what she was saying. And all this could have been avoided if I truly listened to what Carly was saying and allow God to minister to my heart. But when prayer becomes the foundation, we slow down, submit things to God, hear his instructions, and as a result, our communication transforms.

Carlie K. 3:39

I like that because, you know, communication is a skill. Michael and I are very well versed in that. We both hold master's degrees in professional counseling, dozens of coaching certifications, and we have been called and we've received accolades of being master communicators. We've been, that's one area of our marriage that we've excelled in over the years. We've had to overcome a lot of things, just like anybody else, but it is a skill set. However, what Michael said earlier that healthy communication in a Christian marriage isn't just skill set, yeah, it's spiritual formation. So I love how you talked about that because when you mentioned prayer being that foundation, it does give us the opportunity to connect with God, to be able to submit. He tells us to cast our cares upon him. So if we're frustrated, we're angry, which are all legitimate things. God gave us emotions to express in a healthy way, to feel, to let that stuff out. So, like if you know, we get hurt, we can release something back to God. But then it also gives us the ability to hear his commands, to hear his instructions, to slow down and be like, you know what? Yeah, maybe my husband upset me earlier today. But the truth is, God reminded me how much he loves me. The majority of our relationship, he's always been kind or loving, you know, just it's those moments of clarity that we need that show that Christian marriages don't just need skill sets of knowing how to communicate, but we need that spiritual formation that draws us back to Jesus, yes, his word, intimacy and prayer so we can hear our Heavenly Father. So we're gonna talk next a little bit about why communication breaks down. I mean, let's be honest. Sometimes we say things we regret. Yeah. You know, I've said things that I don't stand by because they don't line up with the word more often than I care to admit. Over the years, that's been an issue that I've had was just blurting off things at the mouth. And I don't use this as an excuse, but I know this is something that many of you can relate to. I didn't come from a home. Number one, there was no Christ in my home. Jesus was not even a concept, I didn't know anything about him. And words were just used as weapons. We used words to break each other down, and it was horrible. But when that's how you're raised, that's how you think things are supposed to be. It's all about winning. Yeah, it's all about making the other for person feel horrible about themselves to the point where they shut down. But obviously, when I met Jesus, he started to show me pride isn't supposed to win. That's not a flex. That's not something to be proud of, right? And he's also taught me that sometimes silence may feel safer than being vulnerable, but that is a lie from the enemy. Yeah, because he wants to isolate us. And these are all little ways that communication can break down in marriages. And sometimes the enemy, he just exploits those small misunderstandings that we may have to create very big division in our marriages.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Yes. But here's the good news if words have the power of death, they also have the power of life. Amen. And prayer invites the Holy Spirit into the space between what was said and what was meant.

Carlie K. 6:56

Yes, that's I just want to pause on that for just a second. Imagine that, you guys. Imagine inviting the Holy Spirit into that place, the gap between the way you may have said something, but what you were really trying to say, because because sometimes pain can come out in the words that we speak, and we're not even angry at the person, but we're hurt. It could have been hurt from childhood, it could have been hurt from an interaction that we had with a stranger that was unkind to us. And so maybe we kind of come off as unkind to our spouse, and there's a gap there. But when we submit to God in prayer, when we allow our hearts to be humble before Him, that right there is a place where the Holy Spirit, it's like a band-aid. He comes in and he ties the things together. Hearts will remain softened, people will remain humble enough to listen. Like, honey, I can't believe that just came out that way. That's not what I meant. Or, you know, even the other person that may have been hurt, honey, that really hurt my feelings. I don't understand why you would speak to me that way. And it gives you guys time and space to really talk about what just happened instead of glossing over it and you know saying something to just change the subject, you can go into the places that need healing in your marriage.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Amen. So today we're not just talking about better techniques, we're declaring spiritual breakthrough.

Carlie K. 8:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

If you're listening with your spouse, I want you to hold hands right now. If you're listening alone, just lean in. We're gonna pray. All right, Father God, in the mighty name of Jesus, we come into agreement with your word over this marriage. Thank you. Proverbs 1821 says that the tongue has the power of life and death. So today we repent for any words that brought death, discouragement, criticism, or division.

Carlie K. 8:54

Yes, Lord.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

We break agreement with sarcasm, we break agreement with defensiveness, we break agreement with pride. Your word in Ephesians 429 says, Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what it builds us up. So we declare that from this day forward our words will build. Holy Spirit, teach us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Carlie K. 9:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

Help us to be slow in our reactions, help us to filter our tone, help us to guard our mouths, let the fruit of the spirit define our communication.

Carlie K. 9:37

Yes, Lord.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

Love instead of control, patience instead of irritation, gentleness instead of harshness.

Carlie K. 9:46

Yes, Father. Help us exercise self-control in our conversations instead of emotional outbursts, where pride has created walls, release humility that heals. Yes. Where anger and unforgiveness have lingered, Lord, release your peace. We declare clarity in marriages where there has been confusion. We declare forgiveness in marriages where there has been offense. We declare unity in marriages where there has been distance. You tell us in Ecclesiastes 4.12 that a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. So we invite you, Lord, into every conversation. We ask you to be our third strand. I pray that the marriage of the person listening will not be marked by silence. It will not be marked by emotional coldness. It will not be marked by shame or unresolved conflict. Instead, Father, I pray it will be marked by your grace. It will be marked by safety, it will reflect the love and holiness of Christ and His church. We declare breakthrough in communication. We declare healing in conversations, we declare restoration in marriages around the world. In Jesus' powerful name we pray.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

Amen. Amen. If this prayer stirred something in you, if you're realizing that communication in your marriage needs more than advice, it needs spiritual alignment. Inside the marriage prayer club, we pray strategically over real marriage struggles. Yes. We teach you how to pray scripture over your spouse. We help equip you to fight for unity instead of fighting each other.

Carlie K. 11:34

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

And we create a consistent rhythm of prayer that transforms your home.

Carlie K. 11:40

Amen. Communication, you guys know this, it doesn't just change overnight. No, but marriages change when prayer becomes the culture. So if you want to go deeper, if you want guided prayer, if you want accountability and community and spiritual covering for your marriage, we would love to walk with you. You can find all the details and join us today at marriageprayerclub.com. We will also link this website for you in the show notes.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Thank you for listening to the Praying Couple podcast. If this episode encouraged you, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you'll never miss a new episode. And please share it with another couple who needs breakthroughs.

Carlie K. 12:23

And remember, your words are powerful, your prayers are powerful, and your marriage is worth fighting for. We're so grateful for each one of you, and we'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

Bye bye.