Carlie K. 0:00

Hello, friends. Hey everyone. Welcome back to the Praying Couple Podcast. We're your hosts Mike and Carlie Kercheval. We're the founders of the Marriage Prayer Club, a global gathering of Christian couples that have responded to the call to partner with us and God as we work to restore marriage back to the kingdom of God through the power of prayer. Today's episode is for the couple who feels emotional distance in their marriage. We know that today's podcast is going to offer hope and encouragement for you in this season. This episode is entitled, When Your Spouse is Emotionally Distant. One of the most confusing experiences in marriage is emotional distance. Your spouse is still there, you're still married. The routines of life continue, but something inside the relationship has grown cold. You may feel like you're living beside someone instead of sharing life with them. Oftentimes, this is when you may hear couples talking about how they feel more like roommates than soulmates. Many spouses quietly ask, why are they pulling away from me? Did I do something wrong? How do I reconnect when they seem uninterested? If you are walking through this, we want you to hear something important right at the beginning of this episode. Emotional distance does not mean God is distant from you.

Mike K. 1:47

Kind of like you're on an unknown island, even when your spouse is present next to you. Genesis 2.18 says, it is not good that the man should be alone. Marriage is meant to protect us from all forms of loneliness, yet many couples find themselves feeling alone within it. Oftentimes, for me, I felt loneliness come in whenever I perceived or was misunderstood. I actually place unrealistic expectations on Carly. So that that loneliness formed in because simply for the fact that I felt misunderstood or not heard. But God's word gives wisdom for every season in life that comes our way.

Carlie K. 2:37

Yes, that's true.

Mike K. 2:39

One of these seasons could be emotional distance that tends to come in slowly. It may come from things like unresolved conflict, exhaustion, stress, past hurt, fear of vulnerability, spiritual drift. Proverbs 423 teaches above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it. Sometimes hearts can become guarded when wounds have not been healed. That guarding can appear as withdrawal. I was personally the person who used to quickly exit any room when Carly and I had conflict in, or I tried to avoid my emotional dilemma because I didn't like dealing with conflict.

Carlie K. 3:30

I, on the other hand, am a very assertive person and didn't understand why Michael didn't want to solve our problems immediately. I had to learn that when Mike was withdrawing from the conflict, it wasn't personal. Instead, it was his way of dealing with things at that point in his life. Now, this was more so the beginning of our marriage. And this year, we got married in the year 2000. So it's really easy to keep track of how long we've been married. This year we're going to celebrate 26 years of marriage in June of 2026. And so that's something that we have definitely learned from and grown through. But the truth is, you know, there's some of you out there, you know, your spouse is withdrawing emotionally because they often are feeling rejected or confused. Yeah. And it's difficult at times because we often assume assume the worst. Yeah. And that's where it's important to remember this. Sometimes distance is not rejection. Sometimes it's pain that hasn't been processed yet by the other person. So Galatians 6, 2 says, carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Part of healing from emotional distance is learning to approach each other with compassion rather than accusation. Father God, you see the loneliness that some of our listeners are experiencing right now. Where hearts feel disconnected, we pray for your peace. Where misunderstandings have grown, bring your wisdom.

Mike K. 5:06

Lord, soften our hearts that have become guarded. Help our spouses move toward each other instead of away from each other, and give courage to the one who feels alone tonight. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Carlie K. 5:21

When a spouse becomes emotionally distant, the natural reaction is often fear. But fear doesn't lead to healthy connection or reconnection because fear, frankly, is not from God. Scripture reminds us in James 1.9, 119, everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Listening becomes incredibly important when emotional walls have formed. Rather than pushing harder, sometimes the path forward begins with creating safety again. The best way to know how to proceed is to pray and ask God for wisdom. Only God knows exactly how each of us needs to be ministered to in order to heal and rebuild trust in our marriage.

Mike K. 6:07

That is so true. Another powerful step is bringing your hurt to God before confronting your spouse. Psalm 62, 8 says, Pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. When we allow God to hold our pain first, we approach our spouse with more grace and less desperation. I can relate to this. Whenever I chose to pray to God first, God gave me peace and compassion when I did speak to Carly about whatever things that were going on in our life. In fact, God helped me not to respond emotionally, but to give myself and Carly more grace to work through the things that were at hand. So it is extremely important that we focus on the numerous seasons that God has helped us through to overcome together because we learn to not react to our negative emotion emotions time and time again.

Carlie K. 7:08

That's true, because the emotions are oftentimes, especially within conflict, they are nothing but lies. Yeah. Right? Because a lot of times, again, when when you're feeling emotional distance in a marriage, you're already offended, you're hurt. And if you're the one that's, I guess, the one that's projecting the distance, you know, the one that is being distant, you're doing that, you're withdrawing for a reason, like we talked about earlier, because of unresolved pain. And it could be, yes, from hurt, but it could also be guilt. There's so many things that can cause somebody to distance themselves to try to protect themselves.

Mike K. 7:48

Now there are times when emotional distance becomes a pattern rather than a temporary season. And this is where wisdom is important. A healthy marriage includes mutual care and connection. Ephesians 4, 2 through 3 says, be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love. But scripture never encourages enduring harmful patterns in silence. If distance continues long term, seeking wise Christian counsel can be an important step toward healing.

Carlie K. 8:26

Yes. And again, we want to say something clearly and compassionately. God does not call anyone to endure abuse. Emotional neglect, manipulation, or controlling behavior should be addressed with wise support and pastoral care. Yes. God's design for marriage is love, it's protection, it is safety. Those are the things that really add up to the marriage that God has designed for his children. One of the most powerful ways to rebuild connection is through prayer. Even when a spouse feels distant, prayer can soften hearts. It's a very compassionate, safe way to care for one another, even when you don't feel as connected as you would like to be. Matthew 19, 26 reminds us, with God, all things are possible. Prayer is not a tool to manipulate people or situations. Instead, prayer invites God into the places in our lives where we feel powerless. It gives him the permission to come into our circumstances and perform the truth of his word. It is one of the best ways to rebuild and restore connection and gain the wisdom, strength, and insight that we need to move forward.

Mike K. 9:44

That is so true. And so here's some things that we we recommend. You pray for your spouse, you can pray for wisdom, you can pray for humility, you can pray for courage. God often begins healing a marriage by transforming the heart of the one who is seeking him. Yes.

Carlie K. 10:06

Lord, we pray for everyone listening to this podcast today. We ask that you restore what distance has weakened. Where hearts have grown cold, breathe warmth and love again.

Mike K. 10:18

Father, where there's loneliness has taken root, remind every listener that we are never alone with you. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Carlie K. 10:28

Amen. If you're walking through emotional distance in your marriage, strengthen your prayer life and anchor your heart in God's Word. Inside the Marriage Prayer Club, we help couples just like you pray through real struggles like loneliness, rejection, and disconnection in marriage. You'll receive scripture-centered prayer guidance, encouragement, and support to help you stay spiritually strong during difficult seasons and honestly to be able to rejoice and thank God in the good seasons.

Mike K. 10:58

Now go to marriageprayerclub.com and join us today. You don't have to walk through this alone.

Carlie K. 11:05

Amen. Thank you for joining us today, friends. We're thankful for your support and pray that this episode was a gift to you. We'll see you next time.

Mike K. 11:15

Bye bye.