Carlie K. 0:00

There's a reason you clicked on this episode. It wasn't by accident, not by coincidence, and definitely not just out of curiosity. Something is stirring inside of you, something you haven't been able to ignore. It's that thought that keeps coming back. What if God is calling us to something more in our marriage? It's that feeling that you get when you see another couple struggling. And instead of just noticing it, you actually feel it. It's heavier than empathy, it's deeper than interest. It feels like a burden. And you've probably wondered, is this just me or is this actually God?

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Let us say this clearly right from the beginning. You're not crazy, and you're not making this up. The Bible says in Philippians 2 13 that it is God who works in you, both to will and to act according to his good purpose. That means the desire, the pull, the burden, it may not have started with you. It may have actually started with him.

Carlie K. 1:07

Yes. And before we go any further, we want to briefly introduce ourselves. My name is Carly Kirchival, and I'm here with my husband, Mike Kirchival, and we're the hosts of the Praying Couple podcast and founders of the Marriage Prayer Club and Marriage Ministry Made Simple. We've accepted the calling on our lives to marriage ministry, and we did this back in 1998 and haven't looked back. We both hold master's degrees in professional counseling, dozens of professional coaching certifications, and have decades of experience as husband and wife walking in our calling as marriage ministry leaders. Over the decades of sewing into marriages, God has made it very clear that we are to help others discern their calling to marriage ministry and help you get your online marriage ministries up and running. And so today's episode is one that we've been so excited about, right, Mike?

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Yes.

Carlie K. 2:02

Because it's going to unlock the calling on many people's lives to marriage ministry. Today's episode is called, Is God Calling You to Marriage Ministry? How to discern your calling with clarity.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

All right, let's start off with prayer. Father, we come before you with an open hand and heart. Lord, we ask right now that you would quiet every distraction and every voice that is not from you. Yes. Would you soften our hearts and open ears to hear your voice clearly today? Holy Spirit, we invite you into this moment. If there is a calling, you are stirring. Would you make it undeniable?

Carlie K. 2:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Bring clarity where there is confusion, peace where there have been questioning and confirmation where there has been doubt. God, let every listener hear what you are saying to them personally, not just information, but revelation. And give them the courage to respond. We trust you with this time. Have your way in Jesus' name. Amen.

Carlie K. 3:08

Amen. Amen. One of the biggest questions we hear around the topic of calling versus interest is how do I know if I'm actually called to marriage marriage ministry or if I just care about marriages? And this is actually a very important question because not everything that you're interested in are you called to. Right. And so this is what we've seen over and over again. If you have an interest in something, it can be turned on and it can be turned off. In other words, it comes and it goes. However, one thing we've learned over decades of walking with God is that a calling, it's not going to leave you alone. No. It doesn't leave you alone. You can try to ignore a calling, you can try to push it down. You can even try to disqualify yourself from it. But guess what? It keeps coming back. Romans 11, 29 says, For God's gifts and his call are irrevocable. So that means that you're unable to shake the calling on your life. No matter if you choose to obey God or disobey God, you are literally tied to your calling. And for most of you, we know you were drawn here today because you are ready to fully step into it.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Yes. And in Jeremiah 20, verse 9, the prophet said, His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. Yes. I am wary of holding it in. Indeed, I cannot. That's what a calling feels like. It's not just something you think about, it's something you carry. And if you've been feeling that weight, and if you have been sensing that nudge, and if you found yourself thinking, I wish someone would help these marriages. And then feeling like, wait, am I supposed to be a part of that? That's not random. That's so good.

Carlie K. 5:02

Like just that whole scripture that you shared, the word, I mean, I can relate to that. Like so many times where people maybe say, like, I'm about to give birth to something, or you know, you're carrying a burden and you don't know what it is. This is literally what calling looks like when you're about to discover something, there's just something you need to have breakthrough, and there's something, a connection that needs to be made. And you know, you can't hold it in because just like Jeremiah said, he can't.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

That's right.

Carlie K. 5:31

It's like fire shut up in your bones. Like you literally are just waiting for the moment that this burst is going to come out, and you know it's of God because there's power behind it, there's conviction behind it, there's authority behind it. So let's talk about the first sign, you know, just this having this burden that you can't shake. You feel a deep burden for struggling marriages, not just awareness around marriages or why they struggle, not just concern, but an actual burden. You hear about divorce and it grieves you. You see couples disconnected, and something inside of you wants to step in and help. You've even found yourself praying for marriages that aren't your own. That's not normal. That's specific. And that's something that God has shown us over the years is how specific our callings really are.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Yeah, it's very much so true. Because God assigns burdens before he assigns platforms.

Carlie K. 6:31

Wait, that's good. Say that again.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

God, because God assigns burdens before he assigns platforms. Now in Nehemiah 1, Nehemiah hears that Jerusalem is broken. And what does he do? He weeps, he mourns, he fasts, he prays. Before he ever rebelled anything, he felt something. Nehemiah didn't sit back and ignore the pain that his very own culture experienced. He put aside his personal agenda and trusted God.

Carlie K. 7:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

See, burdens are placed in our lives so we can feel the level of pain that people are experiencing, but God is our source of providing wisdom to overcome it.

Carlie K. 7:23

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

He alone delivers us from being stuck to walking in victory.

Carlie K. 7:29

I really like that. I like how you set that up because it is true. He weeped, he mourned, he fasted, he prayed. And if you've ever done any of these things, and it doesn't have to be in that order, right? It doesn't have to be all four of those things all of the time. But if you're doing that over marriages, this is a very clear indication that there's a burden. Yes. And it's really interesting too because you know, one of the things you talked about was how he felt something.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

He did.

Carlie K. 7:54

The burden is something that God places inside of you because you play a part in solving that problem. Yes. Now you're not called to everybody. There's that's a big mistake that people make. And we definitely have a lot of wisdom in this area because we've been in marriage ministry for almost 30 years, and we've been in the online space since 2011. So we know what it looks like when we see people come and go in the space because they think they're here to solve every marriage problem. No, God will give you one specific burden for one specific type of person. Trust me when I tell you, you're not here to solve every marriage problem. That's God's problem. That's not his problem, but you know what I'm saying. That's God's authority, right, his wisdom, all that. That he's the solution, not us. But we play a small part and he gives you a burden. You're going to start to notice those patterns of feeling pain with very specific things. Maybe the pain is around people who are disconnected because they're having issues with child raising children. Yeah. Maybe it's finances. Yeah. Maybe it's adultery. Maybe it's alcoholism. The list can go on and on and on and on. Whatever it is, we want you to pay attention to that. That's what many of you are actually experiencing right now. You're feeling something before you fully understand it. And instead of recognizing this as a calling, you've been questioning it. But what if that burden is actually an invitation? Throughout scripture, God follows a pattern. He places a burden before he releases a calling. Joseph carried betrayal before he carried authority. I mean, his brothers did him dirty. Yes. Moses carried insecurity before he carried a nation. Wow. Hannah carried heartbreak before she carried a prophet. Elijah carried exhaustion before he carried fresh fire. Now, this is how God works. He uses the weight to prepare you for the assignment. So if you've been carrying something heavy around marriages, if your marriage has been through fire, if there's a burden that you just can't shake when it comes to marriages, don't dismiss it. I promise you, it's not just for your own marriage. And I promise you that God is not punishing you, He's preparing you.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

Yes, very so much true. Now, discernment, we're going to talk to you about why discernment matters. Discernment from God is needed because He alone knows the level of pain and He also will reveal the steps needed throughout the healing process. No more second guessing or mimicking other ministry leaders.

Carlie K. 10:43

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

The children of Israel would have lived and died in slavery if God had not called Moses to bring them out of Egypt.

Carlie K. 10:53

Oh, wait, you gotta break that down a little bit because what you just said is so powerful because when people are so busy listening to other people's, you know, what they think, how they feel, what God did for them, that's awesome because we know that's part of the testimony. We overcome the evil one we know by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. And so that's very powerful and important. But I like what you said, like not mimicking others, because had people mimicked what they were seeing, like you just said, if the children of Israel would have have done that and mimicked everything they were seeing, they would have lived and died in slavery.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Yeah, they would have, and and God God placed that with with Moses to bring them out the burden, the burden, you know what I mean, and so stepping into ministry without clarity, clarity can lead to burnout, yeah, confusion, striving instead of surrendering.

Carlie K. 11:51

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 14 33 that God is not a God of confusion, but of peace.

Carlie K. 12:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

So if you're feeling stirred but unclear, God doesn't want you to stay in that place.

Carlie K. 12:07

Amen. And that's where many people get stuck, right? Like they feel the call, but they don't know what to do with it. So typically people will feel the call, they don't know what to do. They either ignore it, they overthink it. So essentially they're gonna talk, they're gonna talk themselves out of it or go jump ahead without any foundation. Because listen, that's cool that you can come up with ideas and you know, you you're somebody because God's a gift, you know, that's a gift I carry, you know, ideation. But I have learned that ideation means nothing if I'm not in partnership, true partnership with God. I have I'm that person that can plan out, you know, the entire year in detail. And then, you know, that's great. But I I used to, what I used to do now, this is something I want, because there's a better way, y'all. And I don't want you to have to figure it out the way I did. What I used to do at times when I first started in online ministry was I had all these great ideas, right? Because God was the author of these ideas, but instead of going at his pacing, I just got excited and I planned all this stuff out. I started all these different things, and then I would ask God to bless it. Now, I'm not saying that that's like the worst thing in the world, but I've learned that until God releases me to do it, I'm not supposed to make any moves. The pacing, the pacing is so important. So, like we said, there is a better way, and you don't have to figure this out alone.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

No, you don't. And if you're in that place right now where you're asking, is this really God? Are we actually called to this? What does this even look like? We want to help you answer those questions with clarity, amen.

Carlie K. 13:53

And that's exactly why we actually, in obedience to God, created something called the marriage ministry toolkit. Now, before you build anything, before you start anything, you really do need to be able to clearly discern is this a calling from God? What has God already done in our marriage? And what might He be inviting us into next? Now, I let me say this real quick too. I don't want to disqualify anybody who feels called to marriage ministry that is not married, because I know God can use whoever he wants to use. So just I want to put that in there. But I also know that there are many couples that God does call into marriage ministry, and in times past, maybe one disqualified themselves, but God called them together. So, regardless of your marital situation, you may have been married and divorced, but God has put a burden inside of you for marriages because you carry wisdom, you carry an anointing. It doesn't matter about our past, right? It doesn't matter the things because it's not about our successes or failures, it's about the kingdom of heaven.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Yes. This isn't about rushing into ministry. Amen. God is never moved by our emotions or personal agendas.

Carlie K. 15:06

Thank the Lord.

SPEAKER_00 15:07

You know, this is all about alignment because when you're aligned with what God is calling you to, you don't have to strive, you don't have to force it. You move with clarity, confidence, and peace. Even after 15 years serving in the United States Army, God used Carly and me to minister to hundreds of married couples at Samaritan's Purse called Operation Hill, our Patriots Reunion, back in 2018.

Carlie K. 15:37

We were amongst presidential candidates, senators, pastors, and two of the largest churches in America, you guys, there was even a few sports celebrities with powerful testimonies. We were the least accomplished speakers from the world's perspective, right?

SPEAKER_00 15:53

Yep.

Carlie K. 15:53

But because of our alignment, as you were just talking about, and obedience to our calling, God transformed many married couples after hearing our presentations that weekend. And I like what you said because even though so Michael was doing something entirely different, right? We were called to marriage ministry before Mike joined the army. Yes, we were called to marriage ministry while he was in the army. We were called to marriage ministry after he was medically retired from the army. Yeah, we are still called to marriage ministry. So that's the point. You don't have to strive, you don't have to force it, you don't have to try to figure it out. Because listen, there was a lot of twists and turns in there. Yes, a lot. But even still, God was obviously leading the way. His calling is irrevocable, and his calling on your life is the same. We really truly believe this: that if something in this episode is resonating deeply with you, if you feel seen, if you feel stirred, if you feel like this is putting language to something you've been carrying, then this is not the time to ignore it.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

The Bible says in John 10, 27, My sheep hear my voice and I know them and they follow me.

Carlie K. 17:05

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

If you're hearing him, the next step is not to question it in silence, it's to respond. Yes. Sammy would have never received instructions from God if Eli had not told him how to respond to God in obedience.

Carlie K. 17:22

Amen. So we want to invite you to go and get the marriage ministry toolkit. Yes. You know, this is going to help you. This is your next step to discern your calling, process your story, and begin understanding what God may be doing in your life in marriage in order to reach others. And inside this toolkit, we walk you step by step from confusion to clarity so you can discern your calling and actually start, get started. So let's just talk a little bit about what's inside. We have the workshop, we have a video workshop, and it's called Why Online Marriage Ministry Matters. This is where it starts. We're going to help you understand why this calling matters right now in today's culture. Yes. And how God may be positioning you to be a part of the solution. This is going to ignite vision and confirm what God is stirring in your heart. We also have a 21-day prayer journal for marriage ministry leaders. Now, before you build anything, like we talked about before, you need to be built spiritually. Yes. Right? Your foundation needs to be strong. This journal walks you through 21 days of targeted scripture-led prayer so you can seek God's direction, purify your motives. Because listen, you don't go into marriage ministry to be famous or to look good. No, you need to have your heart aligned with God's assignment on your life. We also have a marriage ministry foundations workbook. This is going to give you the biblical and practical framework for ministry, not guesswork. Okay. This is grounded, proven foundations. So you're not building something shaky, but something that lasts.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Yes.

Carlie K. 19:04

We also provide a marriage ministry readiness checklist. This is your honesty mirror. Okay. You know how James talks about when you're in the word, it's like a mirror. Okay. It's going to show you everything. Are you ready? What areas need strengthening? This tool helps you assess where you are so you can move forward with wisdom and not emotion. We also have five mistakes new marriage ministry leaders make and how to avoid them. Man, I wish we would have had this back in 1998. You know? Okay. But we have, God has chosen us to provide it. So we show you the pitfalls up front. So you don't have to learn the hard way. This alone can save you months or even years of frustration and avoiding the traps that the enemy is going to set, the snares that he's already set to try to get you to deny and doubt your calling into marriage ministry. So you can find this at theprayingcouple.com. Now, this is something that we will have highlighted on the front page. We'll also have a clickable link. But if you go to our website, theprayingcouple.com, you will also be able to clearly find it as well. Now we're going to go ahead and close this episode out in prayer.

SPEAKER_00 20:17

Okay, Father, we thank you for every person listening right now. Lord, you see their heart. Yes. You see the stirring. You see the questions they've been carrying. And God, we ask that you seal what you are speaking to them.

Carlie K. 20:31

Yes, Lord.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

If ministering to marriages is a calling from you, would you confirm it by taking away any confusion or fear and instead surround them with your peace? We ask that you remove any pressure and replace it with your presence. Give them discernment to know your voice and the courage to follow where you lead. Lord, remind them that you don't call the perfect, you call the willing.

Carlie K. 20:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

And if you are inviting them into something more, we ask that you would guide their steps one by one. We surrender the outcome to you now, and we trust you with this, with their yes in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. And as we continue this series, we're going to walk you through this process, not just helping you discern the call, but helping you understand what to do next.

Carlie K. 21:26

Yes, because if God is truly calling you into marriage ministry, he's not calling you to sit still, right? He's calling you to step forward into what's next. So thank you again for spending some time with us today. This was part one in a five part series. And we look forward to just going on this journey with you. This is something that we're clearly passionate about. It's a calling on our lives. And we are thrilled that God sees fit for us to help others start their online marriage ministries. We will see you next week. Bye bye.